LOVE

Many of us often fall in love and get attached to the 'other half ' so much so that we tend to become dependent on them and to trust them with all your heart. But what we tend to forget is that, very often we are led into an illusion or concept in which we call it LOVE! It is so beautiful when we are in love, everything seems perfect, nights are more romantic, every angle viewed are like from a romantic scene in which there are positive and comfort music playing as the background. Even the fights between the two love birds are so cute! Everything just seem to be amazing at that moment. They can be seating at a table facing each another without uttering a single word and yet the moment could be said as magical.

LOGICAL?

I would say yes but hold on a minute! That is only for a short period of time. In which maybe most to most 2 years at least. According to many studies done by psychologist and physiologist, it is due to several chemicals that are released in the brains that makes us feel in love and makes everything so beautiful. These chemicals would only last to the max of 2 years and after that the brain would need other stimulus to release those chemicals again. So very often people or couple tend to break up after 2 years of courtship and it is because they say that things have change, there is no more chemistry, the attraction is just not there anymore, and very often they have fallen for another person.  

So then what is LOVE?

Love is just Love! There is no specific answer from my perspective. When a person decides to be in love, they have to decide if they really want the relationship to work out or not and to stick together no matter what happens. Better people will appear but it is about just choosing who you would rather be with and to continue trusting. When you find a perfect love, stick and hang on unto it because a time will come when you will regret letting it go. Not everyone will love you the way that special one would love and give you their everything. Love is rare in nowadays context. Love is very often mistaken or replaced with the intention of having a hidden agenda such a sex, revenged, popularity or wealth. But in a true love relationship, you would not find a single hidden agenda behind it all. It is just so pure and yet sometimes you find it clueless as what the relationship would bring except happiness, joy and peace. Love is when you let go of someone and yet the person would find a thousand of reasons to come back and to be with you (not after going around having other partners and then coming back to you). Love is when a person respects you with everything they have, trust you, show kindness to you and always being there when you need them the most and at the least time. Of course human love might not be perfect because each of us have our very own flaws and do mistakes at times, but it is about accepting them and forgiving the mistakes done with the knowledge that they would not repeat it again. Love at the end of it have to be a mutual feelings and understanding of two souls and the in-depth search of who they are.

Do not take love for granted and do not misuse it because one day when you realize the value of love you would regret it.

Is it to be or not to be?

The ending of the year 2012 and I'm back to blogging about my current situation. As always blogging has been my favourite place to release my pain and hurts. Next week I will be seating for my final exams and it would determine if ever I would be going to Liverpool, England to further my studies. The best part is that I have not started even studying a bit. Many of you'll would be thinking WTH are you thinking??!! Yes I know.. I know..  Well here comes the story... 

So, I have fallen in love with an angel for two years already. Yes it was during Christmas time that I fell in love with her. Two years day by days and I kept falling deeper in love with her. At the beginning we began to become close friend. Thinking of this, a flashback of an event. In the year 2010 dec, when I was shopping to buy my shirt for Christmas and New Year's church service when I so happened to bump into each another in the shopping mall and she choose the shirt I wore for the new year's service. It was one of the best shirts I still have and till today many people compliment me whenever I wear that shirt. Yaiksss.. how i wished she would still be around to follow me to choose the shirts.. alright so back to the story.. We grew closer and BAMMMM!! I found myself in love with her. O.O It was tough through the years.. but one thing about her which makes me want her more and to treasure her the most is, her smile and her constant positiveness. I found her to be very gentle and loving. During that time she treated me very well and she would acknowledge and wasn't afraid of what her friends might think or whatever about me. I was free enough to post on her wall practically anything and we would wait eagerly to chat with each another. 

Now things had taken a 180' degree turn. Although things has changed, I still do not blame her entirely. While loving her, I was rejected a few times and I was humillated too. But I didn't really care about those things and yet I forgave her and still loved her very much. I went to the extend of doing things I didn't know I was capable of doing. Loving her made me try every extend and risking what I could. Such as, walking into her college class while the lecturer was teaching in-front of the class and presented her with a pink rose, bought her a valentine gift which I never did before because for me it was fake but with her it was different, attending a prayer meeting which only her family members were invited and I felt so lost and scared yet i did it out of love to prove it to her and many more which can go on for a long long time. 

Loving her was my everything. Through out my life many people came in, used me and left. Some in-fact came in just to take a look and left, some saw and left, some came in and messed everything and went off. That is why I never trusted many people and I used to play with people till I met my angel. The moment I fell in love with her, I put my guard down with all my defense and told myself that I am not gonna give her up so easily and that I would fight to be with her as long I can. And that decision changed my life and my goals. I did things to make her happy and to please her. Always was there when she needed someone and protected her when I could. Stayed up with her during her exams, motivated her, gave her the inspiration she needed, although sometimes i might have demotivated her. But for all I know, I was there as much when she needed someone. 

Lately she went abroad to study. Approximately 3030km away. Before leaving she told me that things would be different. I told her It would be alright and I will try my best to do everything to keep us together still. But things changed after a month being there. I would stay very close to her by the phone and always keep in touch. But then after a month we grew apart day after day. We used to skyped everyday and talk on the phone everyday but she asked for her time to study and so I gave her. I didn't think that it would get this bad. She started talking about her male classmates to me. Of course naturally as a male I would become jealous but I just ignored it. Then she started treating me like a stranger and making me feel as if I became a burden to her. Still the feelings didn't go away. 

This angel of mine was all I have and the things I went through with her does not give me the courage to let her go. The memories are still fresh in my head. Everytime I see a couple I wished I had her by my side. Just hoped and had faith that she would love me the way I loved her. But I guess it will never happened and I am destined to be like this. I also regret having very bad temper because when I do I kind of hurt people. 

A Picture that calm me down was 

  I really wished to see her again and hug her really tight and not to let her go this time.. I need her now more than anyone but I don't want to hurt neither do I want to be a distraction to her. I'm sorry...  

I shall go...

Words have fallen silent once again. The dark season has once again arrive and what shall I do? Honestly speaking she lie and continue lie-ing. One after another and flirting with other guys. She is trying to make up and cover up story and turning back the topic to me. Why do good and honest guys seriously fall in love with girls who have the attitude of a bitch and slut? Girls if thats what you want then it would be better if you get along with players who will play with your heart and end of the day tear your heart into multiple pieces and give it back to you. I also notice this scenario, players get along with players and i've should have notice this from the earlier part. If that is so I wish that you have a splendid time and that many other guys will come along your life and make you into a complete mess. If you do know that the guy is good then allow him to be good and if you think that your not worth of a good guy then don't get involved.

Hugs

Hugging the person you love the most is one of the most satisfying feeling... It has been rough for the past few days but after a long hug it all comes back to normal. I felt the exact same feeling when i first hug. I don't want to let you go.. I don't think I can ever let you go away from me just like that. Why aren't you feeling the same way i'm feeling towards you? Don't let what a few people words influence and change your happiness. Are you willing to sacrifice it all just to listen to them? I can't take this pain anymore. It is killing me a lot. Why is it that I seem to experience so much of this conflicts in life? All I want is to be with you. That is all.  

End of Chapter 5

Today will be in my memories forever because the chapter 5 of my life has ended. Well to tell you honestly it ended what I almost expected it to happen. Chapter 5 of my life was a very interesting one because there was a lot of mix emotions and new experiences. Things which I never thought I would do but I did it eventually. It hurts me now that I have to move on to the next chapter but eventually we all will have to move on one day sooner or later. Our life is always about moving forward like a stream of water. This chapter of my life was basically about one girl and how I loved her and yet did not receive any from her. Well an unrequited love is very painful and end of the day your heart is all broken into pieces. So far in my life I have never been able to experience real love and I wonder would that ever going to happen to me or am I fated to be like this, when all of my other peers have been in a relationship over and over again. This girl has really made me to make few changes in my life. Even though she has hurt me many times but I will continue to love her but how long can I survive like this? I will miss her greatly. I hope and wish that someday when she falls in love with a guy he will make her happy and always make sure she smiles. Everytime I hear the song below I will think of her and the memories we created together. =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00&ob=av2e

If LOVE......

Olah gomotaz peepz... If you fall in-love you better prepare to be hurt. You think I'm crazy? Let me tell you the fact!! The truth always sucks but it is true. If love comes between two people take it and enjoy it while the feeling and passion is still there. To all my readers who gets into a one way love, let me tell you something. Your an IDIOT to strive on and wait for her to fall for you because it will never happen, so just move on and find a new girl to love. Girls are so complicated that sometimes they don't know what they even want. They become blind and not able to see that the best is just waiting for them but instead they keep looking where is my prince charming. To my fellow female readers please don't get upset here are some stories for you. Open your eyes when your in a relationship because there are guyz out there who are a total jerk that make use of you and then just dumps you. Just because that happens once don't judge that all guys are like that. It is not true because there are still guys who are genuine and who can really love you for who you are. Wow!! Thats alot to digest so i guess thats all for now. Thanks.... muaxxx!!

The pain that hurts so bad.

David was so excited when he heard that his group of friends was planning to go on a trip to some lake gardens just to take a day off from their hectic daily life. He also thought that maybe he can spent sometime with the person he loves. As days were getting nearer he found out that going for this trip would be a disaster for him because of certain things. He decides not to go because he don't want to get hurt anymore but he ended up going for the trip because he thought he can trust her so much. So the day came.

He was so excited because at first everything was going on well. As time pass.... Things get strange. John came up to Bella and said i've got something to talk to you about. Lately John have been getting much more closer to Bella by telling her all his love-life problem and getting her sympathy and compassion where else David on the other side have been expressing his love for her. But David did not say anything about John but just trusted her. So David gave some space to Bella. During that time John took the time to talk to Bella. God know's what they were talking about la. So as they were talking, David had to walk pass them and heard Bella also expressing here problems with John. David was just disturb by that as Bella have never told David any of her problems. David just stood strong by not breaking a word at all. So things went on and hours passed. The group then went to another place. We were separated and David was with Sue and Bella was with John. John was certainly very happy and that time because he had Bella all to himselves. David just had to bear that pain seing both off them together. On the way back, John was actually suppose to sit with David in the front of the car but he swap place with Sean and sat at the back with Bella. John was pratically talking, laughing and playing with Bella throughout the whole journey.

In the heart of David:
I love you Bella with all my heart, how can you do this to me. Atleast not infront of me la but your doing all this right infront of me and hurting me so hard. I trusted you!! When I asked you whats happening between you two and you say nothing but now what is this i'm seing between you two? Do you think I'm a bloody IDIOT!! But i guess i'm an Idiot after all for not hearing the cue's. How am I going to face them? Now my heart is just shaking as hard of a 10 richer scale and boiling as sulphur hot.

People love can either be the most beautiful thing ever or it can be the ugliest thing ever. =)