The ending of the year 2012 and I'm back to blogging about my current situation. As always blogging has been my favourite place to release my pain and hurts. Next week I will be seating for my final exams and it would determine if ever I would be going to Liverpool, England to further my studies. The best part is that I have not started even studying a bit. Many of you'll would be thinking WTH are you thinking??!! Yes I know.. I know.. Well here comes the story...
So, I have fallen in love with an angel for two years already. Yes it was during Christmas time that I fell in love with her. Two years day by days and I kept falling deeper in love with her. At the beginning we began to become close friend. Thinking of this, a flashback of an event. In the year 2010 dec, when I was shopping to buy my shirt for Christmas and New Year's church service when I so happened to bump into each another in the shopping mall and she choose the shirt I wore for the new year's service. It was one of the best shirts I still have and till today many people compliment me whenever I wear that shirt. Yaiksss.. how i wished she would still be around to follow me to choose the shirts.. alright so back to the story.. We grew closer and BAMMMM!! I found myself in love with her. O.O It was tough through the years.. but one thing about her which makes me want her more and to treasure her the most is, her smile and her constant positiveness. I found her to be very gentle and loving. During that time she treated me very well and she would acknowledge and wasn't afraid of what her friends might think or whatever about me. I was free enough to post on her wall practically anything and we would wait eagerly to chat with each another.
Now things had taken a 180' degree turn. Although things has changed, I still do not blame her entirely. While loving her, I was rejected a few times and I was humillated too. But I didn't really care about those things and yet I forgave her and still loved her very much. I went to the extend of doing things I didn't know I was capable of doing. Loving her made me try every extend and risking what I could. Such as, walking into her college class while the lecturer was teaching in-front of the class and presented her with a pink rose, bought her a valentine gift which I never did before because for me it was fake but with her it was different, attending a prayer meeting which only her family members were invited and I felt so lost and scared yet i did it out of love to prove it to her and many more which can go on for a long long time.
Loving her was my everything. Through out my life many people came in, used me and left. Some in-fact came in just to take a look and left, some saw and left, some came in and messed everything and went off. That is why I never trusted many people and I used to play with people till I met my angel. The moment I fell in love with her, I put my guard down with all my defense and told myself that I am not gonna give her up so easily and that I would fight to be with her as long I can. And that decision changed my life and my goals. I did things to make her happy and to please her. Always was there when she needed someone and protected her when I could. Stayed up with her during her exams, motivated her, gave her the inspiration she needed, although sometimes i might have demotivated her. But for all I know, I was there as much when she needed someone.
Lately she went abroad to study. Approximately 3030km away. Before leaving she told me that things would be different. I told her It would be alright and I will try my best to do everything to keep us together still. But things changed after a month being there. I would stay very close to her by the phone and always keep in touch. But then after a month we grew apart day after day. We used to skyped everyday and talk on the phone everyday but she asked for her time to study and so I gave her. I didn't think that it would get this bad. She started talking about her male classmates to me. Of course naturally as a male I would become jealous but I just ignored it. Then she started treating me like a stranger and making me feel as if I became a burden to her. Still the feelings didn't go away.
This angel of mine was all I have and the things I went through with her does not give me the courage to let her go. The memories are still fresh in my head. Everytime I see a couple I wished I had her by my side. Just hoped and had faith that she would love me the way I loved her. But I guess it will never happened and I am destined to be like this. I also regret having very bad temper because when I do I kind of hurt people.
A Picture that calm me down was
I really wished to see her again and hug her really tight and not to let her go this time.. I need her now more than anyone but I don't want to hurt neither do I want to be a distraction to her. I'm sorry...
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