The Never Failing Love

It was at 1.35AM when you are fast asleep and the phone ringtone goes on and on again, being awaken by it, you reached out your arm to get it and you see it is your ex. You automatically pick it up because you want to hear her voice and you know that the urge in the heart would not go away if you don't pick it up. The moment you say "HI" the whole new journey starts.

I myself am not sure what is completely wrong with me. I have this thing where I always fall for my ex, however there are so many other guys trying to get her as well. She has fallen in love with a collegemate. A Chinese guy who is also rich and good looking I assume. She has started building new memories with him which is slowly erasing her memories with me. 

Being with her makes me a whole new person. She completes me, however I never complete her instead I have been a complete curse for her. I wish one day she will wake up and realize that the love for her was pure and sincere. Its been a shocking 2 years now that we have move on and I still have butterfly in my tummy whenever I think of her. She still gives me insomnia. People say if you have a dream, chase after it. My problem is that my dream is too far away and I have the least resources to get there. 

This time, I took her to a Thai restaurant, we ate and spoke a lot like how couples did and plan things as if we were going to get married to each another. I could see that joy in her, that happiness and the peace on her face. Her beauty emerges when she looks at you and just smiles endlessly. We then, set down by the river banks to just enjoy the scenery and to experience the moment of just seating comfortably with each another. During that moment, all the hurt just flew away and the only thing that was on my mind was to be thankful of the chance to spend sometime with her once again. 

Yes certainly I will be jealous that another guy can make her happy and will spend his time with her. He has taken over my role, has done it better than me, and has the opportunity of a life time. It is painful to see her leave me again and again. When will God put a stop to this and return her to me completely. If only I could wake up every morning having amnesia and then it would not be that hard to live my life. Waking up everyday and sleeping with the thought that another guy is making your girl happy isn't a nice feeling. It is painful. 

Then again, it is not us that set our own fate. It is God who determines where all this would slowly head towards. Our life is a sailor and God is our vessel. He will be the one protecting us from the choppy sea but it is how we determine the journey to be like. 

"Love, it has been a long time, I miss everything that we had, that secret journey to your house, that secret kisses and hugs along the walkway. I miss holding you in my arms like the pillow you hug every night. Love, please see that I'm in pain. Love, you are my pillar and strength. Without you I am so fragile and vulnerable. My empire without you is an open gate to the enemy."

Love yours truly.