Where is God ?

Very often I cry myself to sleep. Waking up with the pillow soaked with tears from my eyes and with a huge eye bag in the morning. Even after crying myself to sleep I only get the maximum of 4 hours of sleep per day. Reasons to this tears comes from various reasons such as a bad relationship, broken family, friendships that aren't pure, financial and career wise. I've always dream't of having a perfect life, such as having a relationship with someone who would love me for who I am and would accepts my flaws and annoyingness, a life full with blessings and a life that goes according to plan. However it never felt a little bit like that. I still get cheated by girls who are just interested to fulfill their own needs and friends that use me just for their own benefits. Furthermore it is so hard to get a job with high racism in the country and the high unemployment rate in the country. I want to come out successful in life and would like to be able to be self-supportive and not to rely on my parents.

In the midst of all the issues I very often cry out to God asking him to help me! It says that if we cry out to him, he would listen to our prayers and to answer them. I've been asking for so many things but I've always been disappointed. The only way I know he is listening to my prayers is when I'm praying for others. However when it comes to myself I've never seen him answering my prayers regarding myself. I always find myself being lonely, in hurt, pain, regrets, and sorrow. God if you are listening to my prayers why aren't you answering my prayer? Why aren't you healing my pain? Why is justice not spoken? Why am I found to be in cross-roads? Why am I always being hurt? Why am I not moving in my life? WHERE ARE YOU GOD? In the midst of the storm you said to be still and know that he is God. I've been still for too long! Where are you? I need you to change my life and bring healing to me! I want to feel unconditional love! I want to feel worth! I want to feel heard!

To end this post I would like to share a youtube video...


Laura Story - blessings

A life far away from home, Liverpool.

It's almost three months now that I've been away from my home, Malaysia. I'm a complete stranger and alien in this land called Liverpool. However with the company of my course-mates, it feels a bit much more safer and comfortable. I've traveled thousands of miles to come and study on a short-term based semester. It wasn't an easy choice but somehow God has led me to this very point. He has been my provider throughout all this time and also my protector. The courses over here isn't that easy but with the help of God and my course-mates we pulled through together.  

Liverpool!! An awesome place. People here are great and friendly. You basically can just turn your head and start a conversation and they would just continue and continue speaking to you. It wouldn't be that weird to walk up to any random person and just start a conversation. The best part about liverpool is that everything is so calm and the atmosphere is just so different. The views and the sights from Albert Dock is just magnificent especially during the sun set. The weather over here sucks at times because it would start to rain when the weather seems to be fine and when you have a plan to be outdoor. However it taught us to rely very much on the accurate weather forecast. Unlike in Malaysia, we never really rely on the weather forecast because it always lie to us. So we would normally just use our instinct. 

Liverpool has also gave me the opportunity to try out a lot of new experience which I've always wanted to try back at home. It has come to my knowledge that there is so much more to experience and I should always live my life as if tomorrow isn't coming. Liverpool would always be the fondest memories abroad with my course-mates.   

LOVE

Many of us often fall in love and get attached to the 'other half ' so much so that we tend to become dependent on them and to trust them with all your heart. But what we tend to forget is that, very often we are led into an illusion or concept in which we call it LOVE! It is so beautiful when we are in love, everything seems perfect, nights are more romantic, every angle viewed are like from a romantic scene in which there are positive and comfort music playing as the background. Even the fights between the two love birds are so cute! Everything just seem to be amazing at that moment. They can be seating at a table facing each another without uttering a single word and yet the moment could be said as magical.

LOGICAL?

I would say yes but hold on a minute! That is only for a short period of time. In which maybe most to most 2 years at least. According to many studies done by psychologist and physiologist, it is due to several chemicals that are released in the brains that makes us feel in love and makes everything so beautiful. These chemicals would only last to the max of 2 years and after that the brain would need other stimulus to release those chemicals again. So very often people or couple tend to break up after 2 years of courtship and it is because they say that things have change, there is no more chemistry, the attraction is just not there anymore, and very often they have fallen for another person.  

So then what is LOVE?

Love is just Love! There is no specific answer from my perspective. When a person decides to be in love, they have to decide if they really want the relationship to work out or not and to stick together no matter what happens. Better people will appear but it is about just choosing who you would rather be with and to continue trusting. When you find a perfect love, stick and hang on unto it because a time will come when you will regret letting it go. Not everyone will love you the way that special one would love and give you their everything. Love is rare in nowadays context. Love is very often mistaken or replaced with the intention of having a hidden agenda such a sex, revenged, popularity or wealth. But in a true love relationship, you would not find a single hidden agenda behind it all. It is just so pure and yet sometimes you find it clueless as what the relationship would bring except happiness, joy and peace. Love is when you let go of someone and yet the person would find a thousand of reasons to come back and to be with you (not after going around having other partners and then coming back to you). Love is when a person respects you with everything they have, trust you, show kindness to you and always being there when you need them the most and at the least time. Of course human love might not be perfect because each of us have our very own flaws and do mistakes at times, but it is about accepting them and forgiving the mistakes done with the knowledge that they would not repeat it again. Love at the end of it have to be a mutual feelings and understanding of two souls and the in-depth search of who they are.

Do not take love for granted and do not misuse it because one day when you realize the value of love you would regret it.